I was trying to keep everything in sequential order, but tonight killed that. I am skipping straight to Bryan. He is actually my inspiration for capturing all of my adventures in writing. This man has given me so many stories.
Bryan found me on OkCupid about a month and a half ago. We exchanged a few messages and then I gave him my phone number. Par for the course. We were only a 68% match, but as he said, the things we answered differently weren’t important things. He works overnight shifts so it was going to take a little bit of planning working out a date for a first meeting, but I was being patient because he seemed like a nice, down to earth guy. It was also nearing the end of the school year which meant I was busy at work with getting my students prepared for testing, finals, etc.
We texted back and fourth for about two weeks. Then it just suddenly stopped. The conversations hadn’t really been of much substance, so I wasn’t really missing out on anything. Then for some reason, I sent him a picture of my feet in a bubble bath. Suddenly he was very interested in speaking to me again. The next day he sent me a text asking if I would like to grab a margarita with him after work. Yes, please!
After work, I went home, showered, and changed into some sexy jeans that show off all of my curves and a cute black lace top. I had an absolutely terrible day and I was pretty sure he was after just sex, so I was going to give it to him!
I wasn’t expecting much that night. He was moderately attractive in his profile pictures. I was pleasantly surprised to find that he was much more attractive than his pictures. We sat at a table and we both ordered large margaritas(I normally don’t drink on a first meeting, but it had been a really bad day) and he picked out an appetizer. I was really enjoying the way he took charge. He had picked the restaurant and time and now the food. It was nice to not have to play the what do you want to do, no what do you want to do game.
Dinner was very nice. I laughed so much. Bryan is a very goofy guy and we have a similar sense of humor. At the end of dinner he asked me if I played pool. I told him that I had no idea how to. So he asked me to accompany him to the local pool hall where he could teach me. I was a little tipsy so this sounded like a great idea. We got to the pool hall and got a table. He had been dropping little tid bits here and there that made me realize he had read my profile in great detail as well as all of the questions I had answered. Then he dropped the big one on me: he wanted to teach me how to play pool because my profile said that I liked to learn new things and wanted whoever I was with to share their knowledge with me. Swoon. I mean, really, could he have said anything more perfect than that? So he taught me the great game of pool. And not in that cheesy, I’m-going-to-lean-over-you-to-steady-your-shot way. It was so much fun. We also consumed a few more beers.
As we are preparing to leave the pool hall, he hits me with his next amazing line: “So we have two choices, 1-We can kiss goodnight and make plans for a second date or 2-You can come back to my place and we can light the fire pit in the backyard.”
Really?! So fucking smooth!
Obviously I wanted more! There was a slight problem though, because my poor dogs were going to need to go outside so I asked him if we could go to my place instead. He agreed. He followed me back to my house and asked me to stop at a gas station on the way. We stopped and he started to put fuel in his car and came over to my car. I rolled down my window and he told me how cute I was and asked me if he could kiss me. Of course. So he kissed me through the window. Not the ideal first kiss, but it was cute.
We got to my house and he got to meet my two dogs. Let’s take a minute to talk about my girls. The older one has been with me through the fights with my ex husband and my divorce. She is my child. She is also “aggressively friendly”(thanks Abe). She is 70 pounds of dog that wants your attention as soon as you enter the house. He was not really okay with her. That was red flag number one. I can’t be in any kind of relationship with someone who doesn’t want to be around my dogs. But, I was willing to let that slide.
We ended up in my bed cuddling and making out a bit. I was ready to have sex with him. He was getting all turned on, but he then told me that we couldn’t have sex because he really liked me and he doesn’t have sex on the first date. That sounded really good. So we decided it was best for him to leave soon or we would end up having sex. We made plans to see each other the following Monday(it was currently Tuesday). I was happy. Finally someone who might actually be boyfriend material.
The next day we exchanged some texts. He was being very sweet and I was excited to know I could see him again in a little less than a week. That afternoon, I went home from work and took a nap as I had stayed awake far too late on a school night the previous evening. When I woke up I had a message from Bryan. He was considering ordering a pizza and coming over. He didn’t really ask and I didn’t really tell him not to. So about an hour later he showed up with beer and pizza was delivered to my door. We had dinner and then decided to lay in bed and watch some Game of Thrones. Being as this was no longer the first date, we were allowed to have sex.
And we did. And to be honest, I wasn’t entirely impressed. I gave him head. He fucked me from behind for a couple of minutes before laying on the bed to jerk off and finish. This is where things got a little…odd. He wanted me to kiss/lick his nipples while he jerked off. Now this wasn’t the first time I’ve had this request, but this time it just felt so strange. So that happened. Not once did he try to get me off. Weird. Most men I have been with go to get me off first and then get what they want. I chalked it up to being our first time together and still needing to work out our kinks(pun intended).
Texting was sparse over the next few days and I asked him if I could be in charge of planning our next date which we moved to Tuesday. He was excited about that idea.
So I wanted to show off something cute and unique to me. I picked out a movie that we both wanted to see, planned on taking him to a decent place for dinner, and capped it off with a trip to the bookstore. He is a very avid reader and I had this great idea that we should go in and each pick a book for the other to read.
So date day comes. I wore a cute purple dress and put on makeup. Anyone who knows me, knows that I don’t wear makeup ever. Bryan picked me up and handed me a pack of gummy bears. He had been listening! We got to the movies and got popcorn and a drink to share. About halfway through the movie I reached over to hold his hand and he didn’t budge. It was like he didn’t want me to hold his hand. RED FLAG!!! This was something that my ex husband used to do. So I spent the second half of the movie analyzing why he wouldn’t hold my hand. The movie ends and we start walking to the car. I decided to nix the bookstore idea while we were in the movie because obviously this was going no where. On the way to the car, he asked if we could stop in the bookstore. I said yes and then explained to him my plan. He thought it was a good idea and we each picked out a book for each other. I wont tell you what I picked out for him, but it was a fairly sentimental book. What did he choose for me? Are you ready for this? Keith Richards’ autobiography. Yup. That happened. We leave the bookstore and go to dinner. Dinner was fairly uneventful. On the way back to my house we stopped at his place because he had some seeds for my garden. No seriously, this isn’t a bad pun this time. Upon arriving at his house a few more red flags happened. 1. He lives with his mom. 2.The house seemed to belong to a hoarder of sorts and included a lot of cats and the smell that goes along with having too many cats. We leave his house and head towards mine. I asked him to stop at the store so we could get some wine. He started feeling up my boobs on the way to the store. So he can’t hold my hand at the movies, but he can hold my boob in the car? We get a bottle of wine and head back to my house.
This is where it really starts to fall apart.
Upon entering my house, we are greeted with an overwhelming smell of dog shit. One of my poor babies had gotten sick and had vomited/had diarrhea from one end of the spare bedroom to the other. Wonderful. I let the pups into the backyard and immediately go to work trying to clean the carpet. Where is Bryan? On my sofa with his feet propped up watching a basketball game. I didn’t expect him to help, but a “hey, do you need any help?” would have been nice. He wouldn’t go near the room. So I finished cleaning up and I felt gross and mostly just wanted a shower. I went and sat next to him on the sofa and he almost immediately asks “So, are you going to suck my dick?”. My response should have been “Are you fucking serious??!?”, but instead it was “I would really like to take a shower first.” He couldn’t comprehend why I wanted a shower. So I gave up on that conversation and grabbed to glasses and opened the wine. I poured us each a glass, had a few sips and then asked him if he wanted to cuddle in my bed. We go and lay down and he started taking pictures of my feet/toes. So the man has a foot fetish. Whatever. We have sex and it’s much the same as the last time. He came three times, I came zero. I mentioned that I was close after his last go to try to get him to go again. Instead he responded with, “Well you have toys, don’t you?” What?
So that’s where Bryan’s story ends. Just kidding! That is exactly where it should have ended, but wait there’s more!
The next week goes by and there is hardly any texting at all. I assume that he just wanted sex, got what he wanted, and now he is gone. Wrong. We started texting again the following Tuesday. A whole week later. He needed to catch up on that weeks Game of Thrones. He asked me to go to his house and watch with him. We cuddled in bed and watched Game of Thrones. It was sweet and no weird sexual things happened. He actually didn’t even try to have sex with me. This made me want to give him another chance.
I know what you are thinking, “Silly Daisy, this isn’t going to work out.” Yes, I know that now. I am a skeptic though and I like to learn things by trial and error. And error and error and error.
So we text a bit and on Saturday he asks me if I would like to watch Game of Thrones with him when it airs on Sunday. There is an ever so slight problem with this idea. I had also started seeing someone else that week, Chance. Chance had asked me to watch GoT with him not three minutes before Bryan did. So I told Bryan that I had plans with a friend and wouldn’t be able to. He asked me to wait to watch it for the first time with him. I told him of course. This is an obvious lie as I was planning to watch with Chance. So Bryan and I made plans to watch it during the week at his place.
That brings us to tonight.
I had planned to be with him for two hours tops. I put on a cute maxi dress and headed to his house around 4. He greeted me with a sweet kiss and poured me a glass of red wine. We then sat in his bed and watched GoT. We cuddled a bit and he got a little handsy and at one point he again alluded to me giving him head. Whatever.
After the episode was over, he asked if I wanted to go grab dinner. Sure. So we went back to the mexican place that we had our first date at. We got to talking about our first date as we were driving over there. He said something about almost sleeping with me on the first date, but not doing it because he never sleeps with people on the first date. I just kind of chuckled and said that I didn’t always follow that rule. For some unknown reason that made him as me if I had seen anyone else since our first date. I said no. I am a terrible liar as it is not something I practice often, but he apparently believed me. Then I asked him if he had seen anyone else. He also said no, but I think his may have been a little more truthful. Later, during dinner, he said something about me meeting his mom as this may actually turn into a long term relationship. FUCK. I am ready to be in a relationship, but he is so not the guy for the job.
We get back to his house and it immediately turns to sex. I put up a little bit of resistance this time, but still let him have it. Now, I’ve left off the fact that he does dirty talk while we fuck. I like dirty talk during sex. His dirty talk creeps me out and makes me giggle all at the same time. It’s like he changes into this whole other person. “Mhmm, yeahhh, you are so sweet, suck that dick like a good girl…” etc. Meh. So that’s going on. And again with the doggy style bent over the bed. This seemed to go on forever. I wasn’t quite feeling it and my orgasm is totally a mind over matter thing, so I knew it wasn’t going to happen. But all of a sudden he is interested in me having an orgasm. He doesn’t want to stop until I do. Well, fuck. At some point in time my feet ended up around his dick. He’s also a toe sucker. We are going back and fourth from doggy to me giving him head or licking his nipples or him licking my feet. At some point I force out an orgasm to make this all end. He covers me in semen after that. I was still wearing my dress, so my dress was covered in semen. And then he is ready for me to give him head again. Dude, slow down. I forgot to mention he took pictures because he wanted something to look at on the nights he worked and couldn’t see me. I fought that for a bit, but then I got over it.
So I told him it was time for me to go home and feed the dogs. I get off the bed and start searching for my panties. I jokingly asked him if he had taken them as I lifted covers, checked under the bed, etc. He laughed at that and told me to keep looking, they couldn’t have gone far. So I keep looking and now I’m starting to think he actually took them. So I turn around and he pulls them out of his pocket.
“Can I keep them babe?”
At this point my skin is crawling. That is my second favorite pair of underwear. And this is weird. So I let him keep them and got the hell out.
At some point in time there were some feelings expressed and the word girlfriend was used. I guess I need to do the right thing and tell him this isn’t working. Suggestions?
Also, I called my best friend Glen after to tell him about this. My exact words were “I lost my panties!” and about the only words he could get out were “Pantie sniffer.” So, Bryan will now be known as Pantie sniffer.