I had a bit of a meltdown today. I am having a meltdown. It started before today.
Where do I even start?
D came over last night. It was ok, but I am starting to feel, bitter? towards him. I don’t know that bitter is the right word, but I can’t figure out what else to put there.
I am losing patience. This shouldn’t be put on him, this should be put on me I suppose.
Today makes a month since we started talking, three weeks since the first date. As I am writing those numbers, I see how short of a time it’s been. It really doesn’t feel like that.
I don’t understand this whole, “We-aren’t-exclusive-until-we-have-the-talk” thing. I like him, he likes me, what else is there to discuss?
As I said before, I am not a patient person and in this particular situation as time goes on, what little patience I do have is starting to diminish. Very quickly. The longer this goes on with him not ready to commit, the more I am putting up a wall for fear that I am about to get hurt.
I think a very large part of my problem here is that I got so used to living with Ron for the last six years of my life. I am ready to come home to someone again. I am ready to fall into that comfort. This not knowing bit is so scary to me.
I don’t know how to communicate this to him without scaring the poor man away. Maybe that’s a sign?
Suggestions? I am definitely open to input here.