I feel like a drug addict in shambles right now. I need a fix and I need it now. I don’t just need any old fix though. I need a hit of the good stuff.
Here is a quote that has always stuck with me from the book “Eat, Pray, Love”. While it doesn’t exactly apply to my situation, it hits pretty close to it:
“It begins when the object of your affection bestows upon you a heady hallucinogenic dose of something you’ve never even dared to admit you wanted; an emotional speed-ball of thunderous love and excitement. Soon you start craving that attention with the hungry obsession of any junkie. When it’s withheld you turn sick, crazy, not to mention resentful of the dealer who encouraged this addiction in the first place but now refuses to pony up the good stuff. Goddamn him and he used to give it to you for free. Next stage finds you skinny, shaking in a corner, certain only that you’d sell your soul just to have that one thing one more time. Meanwhile the object of your adoration is now repulsed by you. He looks at you like someone he’s never met before. The irony is you can hardly blame him. I mean, check yourself out. You’re a mess, unrecognizable even to your own eyes. You have now reached infatuations final destination, the complete and merciless devaluation of self.”
I want sex. I need it. But, I also need so much more than that. I want to be held. I want someone’s arms wrapped around me. I just want to feel something. I have a wave of depression washing over me and I just don’t have time for that shit.
I’m talking to someone right now. It’s been an on again off again thing that has never made it to in person yet. I’m ready to take it and run with it. His name is Scorpio. Hopefully I’ll be telling you all about Scorpio soon.