The Worst Sex of My Life

Published February 14, 2015 by daisiesloveandpeace

Well, since I’ve officially retired all of my accounts for a while, it’s time to go back and write about some of the more interesting dates I’ve had and men I’ve met.

This one goes back to last spring. I met this guy on Plenty of Fish(that account only stayed open for a short while). His name is PD( to be explained soon enough).

I don’t really remember who messaged who or what that entailed. He was cute though and we exchanged phone numbers at some point. He wasn’t very flirty, but he was definitely looking to get laid.  This was the height of my sex with no boundaries phase, so I was all in.

He told me he was looking to get out of his current profession and go into teaching, so we would talk about that. He wanted me to help him pass the test to get licensed and I was totally okay with that. I also remember him talking about how there weren’t any pretty girls in this town, and that stung but I rolled with the punches.  Then, he started talking about having sex with me.  He sent me a dick pic one night.  And low and behold he had a frenulum piercing.  Now, I was quite intrigued.  That has to feel good, right?!

So I eventually agreed to meet him(he who shall forever be called Pierced Donger)  for a drink.  I met him at one of my favorite places in town for a beer.  He beat me there and had a seat at the bar. When I arrived, he stood up and walked towards me.  That’s when I noticed it. He walked with quite a limp. I’m not shallow by any means, but that really threw me for a loop.

We sat and had a beer.  Somehow the reason for the limp came up in conversation. I wish I could tell you the story, because it shows how idiotic he is, however it is far too specific of a story to remain anonymous with.  And somehow I still agreed to go home with him after one beer(my standards have been really low).

We got to his place and he had a little fuzzy, yippy dog. I love animals, especially dogs, but I wasn’t a fan of his.  We soon made it to his bedroom and his dog fussed and scratched at the door the whole time.  He turned on the TV and we both laid in the bed.  He started kissing me and his pants came off.  I started blowing him.  The whole piercing against the back of your teeth thing is just not fun.

He gave up on that quickly and took of my pants. He climbed on top of me and slid it in.  Now remember that limp? Yeah…. So. He couldn’t put weight on that leg. So we were in the missionary position but he was laying on me. Grunting. Grunting as he slowly slid in and out of me. The grunts almost sounded like small, sad cries. Small, slow thrusts. It was awful. And I never thought that it would end.  He finally came and I would say he collapsed on top of me, but he was already laying on me.  So eventually we got out the bed and went back to the living room.

We had really awkward conversation and he talked weirdly to his dog. And she snapped at me. I left and never returned any phone calls/texts after that.  I wish I could remember more of the details, but I’ve worked so hard to forget them. I even forgot his actual name.


8 comments on “The Worst Sex of My Life

    • That’s a really good question. Normal bad sex would probably be better than no sex, but this sex…. Let’s just say if I was given a choice between this experience over and over again or no sex ever again, I would take the no sex deal. I’ve never felt so awkward.

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