I’ve been meaning to get back to this blog and now I have a reason.
Gigs and I broke it off yesterday. I could no longer handle the fact that he never communicated any feelings with me. He was always so passive and submissive. I could ask or tell him to do anything, and he would do it without question. I don’t like having that kind of power. I believe relationships should be balanced.
I’m also still grieving. And I think that weighed very heavily into this decision for me. I need time to grieve. I need space to grieve. I need to be in my own safe space without fear of judgement for how I am grieving. I need to not be constantly worrying that there is a chance of my grieving hurting someone else. I don’t think it hurt Gigs, but because he never shared, I never knew.
Even if our paths never cross again, I will always be grateful for him being in my life during the last several months. He held my hand during the most difficult time in my life. I will always keep him in a special place in my heart.
The end of this month marks my golden birthday. I’ve been looking forward to this birthday for as long as I can remember. I turn 27 on the 27th. It’s starting to look like I will be spending it alone this year. My roommate and best friend are both out of town that weekend. I’ve been mostly hanging out with Gigs friends lately. I need to find some kind of trouble to get into that weekend. I’ve been looking forward to this for far too long. It’s hard to explain why birthdays are so important to me, but they are. I’m not religious or close to my family so all of the other holidays are mostly just stressful. Birthdays are always supposed to be happy. I guess I will have to make it so.