The end of the semester is always an absolutely crazy time in the life of a teacher. This year has been no exception. I’ve also been doing everything in my power to keep myself busy so that I don’t have time to dwell on the fact that this is my first set of holidays without Ron around. I have been overloaded with messages on OkCupid and matches on Tinder, but I just haven’t been feeling any of it.
A couple of months ago, I met a man named Leonard through OkCupid. He’s in a poly relationship, but he was very intriguing to me so I decided to give him a shot. We met and had sex once soon after we met. We talk several time through the week. I enjoy his friendship, but I still don’t know how comfortable I am to dive into the poly lifestyle. About two weeks ago, Leonard and I were trying to make plans to see each other again. I told him that I wanted sex, but I was also expecting cuddles and conversation after. He made fun of me about. He was also apparently around a couple of friends at this point and made some snarky remark about me needing cuddles and conversation after. Leonard’s friend Howard said he we talk and cuddle with me if Leonard gave him my number. Leonard joking told me about the exchange.
Me: So did you give him my number?
Leonard: No, did you want me to?
Me: Sure, why not?
So Howard sent me a text shortly after. Within a few minutes, I realized I had made a huge mistake. Howard was not someone I was physically or mentally attracted to. He was in fact quite the opposite. I pretty much let the conversation come to its natural end.
Two days later, Leonard sends me a message saying that Howard had a new phone and needed my number again. I told him no thanks, but to find a nice way to tell Howard that I wasn’t interested. Leonard left that up to their other friend, Sheldon as Howard went through Sheldon because he didn’t have Leonard’s number either.
Leonard then says, “You know, girlfriend and I were talking about it. If you want someone to have stimulating conversation with, Sheldon is the guy.”
By that point, I was completely against this idea of being passed around any more. Then Leonard sent me Sheldon’s picture. I got lost in his baby blue eyes. I allowed Leonard to pass my phone number to Sheldon.
Sheldon and I talked for a couple of days. He was so intriguing to me. I had to meet him. We decided to do a movie at my house that Saturday. Sheldon came over and I was even more intrigued and interested in person. He’s currently separated from his wife. That’s the major downfall and my biggest concern going forward.
We have one hell of a connection. We are very much kindred spirits, but we live two completely different lives. This makes conversation very interesting.
And then there is the case of the sex. It’s passionate. It’s emotional. It’s like a drug, but it doesn’t involve any of the BDSM aspects or kink aspects that I am normally accustomed to. I’ve gotten very good at turning off the emotions when it comes to sex, but I can’t turn them off with him. I’m falling. And I am falling hard. And it scares the crap out of me.
We have both been very good at communicating our feelings, thoughts, fears, and hesitations going forward. I have a big fear that one of us will get hurt, but I know I will always ask “What if?” if I don’t see this one through.