Defeated

Published March 30, 2016 by daisiesloveandpeace

Yesterday was my grad school interview.  The interview itself seemed to go well, but I learned that if I am offered a spot in the very selective program, I would have to quit teaching for a year.  That really didn’t go over well with me.  I feel like I have something to prove by getting my degree from this particular school.  I was at the school for a couple of years before leaving to take care of Ron(and myself) when I had him committed right before our wedding.  I wanted to get a degree from there to prove something.  I am now at plan B and C for what schools to attend.  I’m sure I will have it sorted out soon.  In the meantime, it left me feeling like an angst-y teenager yesterday.

I decided to handle all of my feels by going to the bar I hang out at.  I also sent the Fish a text and asked him to either meet me at the bar or to meet up with me at my house after the bar.  He had plans, but he told me that he could meet me after for a very short time.  That’s all I really needed.

I had a couple of drinks with Glen and Tinka.  I decided I had probably had too much to drink when I started telling the bartenders about Zeus.  They are all very familiar with Zeus and apparently had no idea.  I made my way home and was shortly met with the Fish at my door.

I was pretty buzzed by this point and had warned him of this.  I also hadn’t given him the details of my interview because I wanted to talk about it in person.  He walked in, but didn’t get much further than the door. I threw my arms around him for a very one sided hug.  I stood back and just kind of looked up at him, knowing what was about to happen.  Basically, he didn’t want to date me.  He had worked himself up about telling me.  I laughed at him and told him that I had pretty much already figured it out and didn’t really care.  Once he finally relaxed a bit, I had him come in and sit down to talk.  He opened up a little bit more to me, and I spilled all kinds of things out to him.  He didn’t stay long, but I knew that we had just secured a friendship.  And I was okay with that.

What I was not okay with in my very buzzed state was how horny I was and how empty my bed was.  I considered trying to get something out of the Fish, but I didn’t know how he would respond to that and there was only so much rejection I could handle in one day.

There has been someone on the back burner for months now.  His name is Champ.  Champ messaged me on Okcupid a while back and made it clear that he would like to get to know me in a sexual way only.  We exchanged numbers, but I was never able to make myself go through with it.  He is far from my type, but last night all that mattered was that he had a penis.  I sent him a text and he was at my (apparently revolving as of last night)door in five minutes.

I can’t say it was the worst sex of my life, because that already happened.  He was too eager.  I felt like we were 15 and he had never been with a woman before.  He was aggressive and rough, but not in the pleasant way.  It was in a careless, hurried type of way.  He was basically humping me like a little chihuahua. I was just laying there, hoping that it would end soon.  It was such a stark contrast from the sex I had just days prior with the Fish.  Then to top it all off, Champ suddenly stopped and told me he felt like he was about to pass out.  What. The. Fuck.  I’ve participated in some bedroom acrobatics in my time, but no one has ever nearly passed out. And believe me, there were no acrobatics involved.  He caught his breath, laid down, and I got him some water.  Then he told me that he felt like he was sent here for some reason other than to have sex with me.  Oh no.  This was no divine intervention. Sorry.  He talked to me for what felt like hours.  I finally got him to leave and realized I had a text from the Fish:

Now that I’m falling asleep and after your reaction, I find myself wishing I would have had some fun with you one more time tonight.  But that’s  how it goes I guess.  I don’t know why, but I had to share.

So this was my response:

We still can another night.  I’m completely okay with separating sex and emotion.  We can discuss it if you want.  Honestly, you’re the most matched to my sexuality that I’ve found in a long time.  So I would like to continue with just the sex, but I will also understand if you don’t, and I can respect that boundary.

He quickly responded this morning that he would like to discuss it and he thinks it will be fun.  I’m really trying not to push the issue, but damn.  I just want some good sex while I am on vacation for the week.

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