I think I’ve finally had a moment of clarity through all of this darkness that has surrounded me the last several weeks. A few things went into play here.
First, I was gone for four days with my work team for a training. We road-tripped out of state together and bonded. We also attended one of the best training I have ever attended. It reminded me of my professional goals and what I feel like is my purpose. I’m ready to start this school year in full swing.
I also isolated what was really bothering me. By the last post, I’d figured it was the Fish, but now I know exactly why. I didn’t feel like a person to him anymore. For the last several months, he’s come over and had sex with me and left. Sure, we talk between, but there was no real appreciation. I need to see him outside of bed sometimes to remember that I am a person to him and not just a hole. I need this to start being on my terms. I really don’t want a relationship with him, we are not compatible in that way. However, if we are to continue our sexual relationship, he will need to start valuing my self worth. And that starts by meeting me for drinks at my favorite place tonight and not coming home with me after.