In the last seven months, I don’t feel like I’ve gotten any better at reading The Fish. I think a large part of the problem is he really doesn’t know what he wants. Or I don’t fit into his plans right now. It’s quite obvious he cares about me, or he wouldn’t have kept me around for this long. I also know he’s not seeing/or sleeping with anyone else. So we are in this strange monogamous friends with benefits-ship.
Friday night, I hung out with H, C, and Glen. We did dinner and a scary movie, then I went to the Fish’s apartment. Earlier in the afternoon, I asked him if I was going to see him that night and he got all bent out of shape about it. First, he told me that the way I asked him made him feel guilted into it. Then he told me that he needed to see some of his other friends sometimes. I told him I was sorry he felt that way about the way I asked, and I would be more aware of my phrasing in the future. He then told me he was frustrated with something else and sorry he took it out on me. While I was with H, C, and Glen, he told me he could use some company. He really does make my head spin. I went over around 11. We caught up on a show that we’ve been watching, had a drink or two, and had really good sex. I spent the night and slipped out early the next morning to go take care of the pups.
On Saturday, I told him I was trying to find a way to stream some football, because I’ve decided to cut the cord. He told me I could go over and watch with him that night. He’d been at a pool party all day drinking, so he was feeling rough by the time I saw him. He laid in my lap for the duration of the game while I stroked his hair and rubbed his back. There was no sex are anything, and I left when the game was over. While I was driving home, I received this message from him, “Hey Daisy. Hope you got home safe. I really appreciate you watching the game with me and making me feel better when I wasn’t feeling so great. It means a lot, and I think I’m too sarcastic in person for the full appreciation to come out. So for real, thank you so much.” I’m not going to lie, I teared up a bit when reading that. That was the closest to emotional he’s ever gotten with me.
Then today, I was really horny. So I started texting him that I wanted to lay in bed with him all day and play. He told me he wasn’t feeling well still, but I should play with myself. I told him it just wasn’t the same as him. He then said “I bet there are other guys who have a better cock than me that would be even more fun.”
What. The. Actual. Fuck.
I told him I didn’t like when said things like that. He apologized and promised not to do it again. I don’t know if he was fishing for a compliment, but let us not forget what happened the last time I said something like that.
And the truth of the matter is there is always other guys. I’ve had The Beast sending me messages almost daily. If I wanted something right now, I could easily get it. But I don’t. All I want is The Fish.
I’ll see him again tomorrow because he asked me to pick him up from dropping off his car for repairs. I was oddly happy that he asked me to do that, because it made me feel like he needed me.
I just wish he could be more open and honest.