A completely honest dating profile

Published November 20, 2016 by daisiesloveandpeace

As the Fish‘s chapter comes to a close, I am trying to jump back into OkCupid.  I completely deleted all of my dating accounts a few months ago, so I am starting from scratch.  H asked me what I am looking for this time, sex or a relationship.  This is the first time I have honestly been able to say that I am only looking for a relationship.  My standard answer is normally something about I’m open to whatever happens.  I’m not open anymore.  I’m ready for something real.  I don’t want to waste my time with short flings.

I opened an OKC account, but I haven’t written anything yet.  I don’t think I’m in the right frame of mind.  If I wrote it right now, it would look something like this:

  • You must love dogs.  Especially large, slightly out of control dogs.  I’m not a dog trainer and sometimes my dogs have bad manners.
  • I recently lost most of my belongings in the flood.  I don’t feel like my life will ever be back in order.
  • You must be smarter than I am.  If you aren’t at least equally as smart, I will likely manipulate you until I get bored with you and move on.
  • I’m overweight despite all of my attempts to remedy it.  I’m fighting an uphill battle between my thyroid and PCOS.  Breaking my neck seemed to have an effect as well.
  • Speaking of PCOS, I have to shave my face everyday because I can grow just as much facial hair as you.  My hair on top of my head is falling out.  I have dark patches of skin.  There’s a fair chance I wont be able to reproduce, especially not without help.
  • Most of my closest friends are men.
  • I teach and I spend a lot of time at work or doing work from home.
  • I don’t have much of a social life, but I’m content with a low key lifestyle
  • I watch sports with friends, but I’m not as into it as others
  • I have a lot of anxiety.  You will not be allowed to drive me anywhere for at least the first six months.
  • I’m also a control freak
  • I don’t care much for movies, so I likely wont get any of your references.
  • I’m divorced and he took his own life shortly after the legal stuff was done.
  • I come from a unique, broken home.
  • I’ve probably slept with more men than you’ll be comfortable with.
  • I fall hard and quickly.  I’ll love you more than you ever knew you could be loved.  I’ll always be there to take care of you, knowing you better than you know yourself.

 

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