All posts tagged birthday

Free Milk

Published October 13, 2016 by daisiesloveandpeace

It has been far too long between entries here.

After bouncing around a little, I was able to secure an apartment.  This means that I am currently paying a mortgage and rent.  It’s a decent place, but it’s difficult with two large dogs.  They need a backyard.  I’m ready to have my house back.  The house is currently the shell of what it once was.  There is a lot of red tape between insurance and the mortgage company, so I think this will be a long process.

Since I last wrote, another birthday has come and gone.  I was able to have a nice, small celebration with friends.  The Fish even came out with us.  He’s been very present in my life.  I’ve seen him at least once a week (but often more) since this started.  I spent almost my entire birthday weekend at his apartment.  For the most part, he seems okay with the increased time together.

It’s been nearly seven months since our first date.  I’ve been reflecting on how much things have evolved during this time.  It started with just sex, then some sleepovers, then maybe a drink and sex, the a drink and movie and sex.   There are times now that I see him and we don’t even have sex.  We watch football, youtube videos, old movies, and he taught me how to play chess.

I knew his birthday was sometime around my own, but he wouldn’t tell me when.  Apparently his birthday causes some kind of existential crisis.  I figured out that his birthday was yesterday with only a small amount of research.  I brought him a bottle of scotch and a small chocolate cake.  I couldn’t do a birthday card, because I didn’t want to send him running like a dog with its tail between its legs, so I stuck a post-it note on it instead that said, “Happy first day of hockey!”.

I’m still just playing this whole thing safe and waiting patiently.  H said that if it were him, he wouldn’t let me go.  I guess he doesn’t need to buy the cow when he’s getting the milk for free.  I still just can’t let this go.  I know he isn’t seeing anyone else, and neither am I.  This is the longest I’ve stuck with any one person since Ron.  This is the most patient I’ve ever been.  I want this to work.  I need this to work.  H is waiting for the ugly fallout.  I just don’t see it happening anytime soon.  I really do love him, and I know he feels something for me.


27 Candles

Published September 8, 2015 by daisiesloveandpeace

I’ve been meaning to get back to this blog and now I have a reason.

Gigs and I broke it off yesterday.  I could no longer handle the fact that he never communicated any feelings with me.  He was always so passive and submissive. I could ask or tell him to do anything, and he would do it without question.  I don’t like having that kind of power. I believe relationships should be balanced.

I’m also still grieving.  And I think that weighed very heavily into this decision for me. I need time to grieve. I need space to grieve. I need to be in my own safe space without fear of judgement for how I am grieving. I need to not be constantly worrying that there is a chance of my grieving hurting someone else. I don’t think it hurt Gigs, but because he never shared, I never knew.

Even if our paths never cross again, I will always be grateful for him being in my life during the last several months.  He held my hand during the most difficult time in my life.  I will always keep him in a special place in my heart.

The end of this month marks my golden birthday.  I’ve been looking forward to this birthday for as long as I can remember.  I turn 27 on the 27th.  It’s starting to look like I will be spending it alone this year. My roommate and best friend are both out of town that weekend.  I’ve been mostly hanging out with Gigs friends lately. I need to find some kind of trouble to get into that weekend. I’ve been looking forward to this for far too long.  It’s hard to explain why birthdays are so important to me, but they are.  I’m not religious or close to my family so all of the other holidays are mostly just stressful.  Birthdays are always supposed to be happy.  I guess I will have to make it so.

What are these?

Published September 28, 2014 by daisiesloveandpeace

Last week, I made the decision to cut D out completely. I blocked him from every method possible on Wednesday with no heads up. I felt used and I really wanted to pursue The Beast for things other than sex.

Yesterday was my birthday. Sadly, I spent it alone. I had originally made plans with D, but clearly that didn’t happen. I woke up with a migraine yesterday, so it all kind of worked out anyways. Also, my new (hot male) roommate started moving in yesterday.

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