I’m officially on summer vacation! As always in my life, it couldn’t be that simple. On the eve of the last day of school, we had a pretty rough storm come through. I’ve never heard sounds from the weather like I heard that night. I took the dogs in the closet and stayed there until the sounds died down and the electricity went out. I was eventually able to fall asleep, but I woke up to quite the mess. The storm had blown my back door open, it had taken out lots of tree limbs and branches, and large parts of my fence. Having two large dogs means that having a fenced in yard is a must. I went to school that last day with my head in a spin. I went home that night and with the help of the roommate, H, and the Unicorn, we cleared the debris. Two days later, Glen and H came over to help rebuild the fence.
I avoided The Fish that weekend for the most part. I was anxious and all of my focus was on repairing the fence. I finally saw him on Sunday night and we had some…technical difficulties. I wasn’t really into it. I was thinking I wasn’t really into him. I had a “What the hell am I doing here?” moment. It passed a couple of days later and I told him I wanted to see him. He told me he had friends visiting this weekend, so it would have to wait. I decided to lay low on texting him this weekend because I didn’t want to take his time from his friends, but on Friday night, the following exchange happened:
F: Fuck me. I’m totally screwed
F: The only good girls on this trip either know me too well or are into the hotter guy. Sorry, you don’t want to hear that I bet. It’s just frustrating
Me: It’s okay. You can talk to me about it
F: It just ruins the confidence. But yeah. Haha. That’s not your responsibility.
Me: Be confident anyways. You can get what you want if you try.
F: Meh I guess I don’t care enough
Me: You do or you wouldn’t have said something
F: Shush. I don’t need that
Me: I’m trying to help you!
F: Don’t believe you
Me: Why not? I’m always trying to be helpful
F: I think you’re selfish
F: hahahahahaha Why do you think?
Me: Because I’m trying to help you find other women for your own pleasure and that makes me selfish?
F: I guess that was mean of me to say. I’m sorry. Sometimes I need my ego helped.
That was essentially the end of the conversation because his battery died. I felt like I was fucked no matter how I acted in that conversation. He didn’t want me to tell him it was okay to be with other women, but I know that if I told him I was jealous, that would not have gone over well either. I thought I chose the lesser of the two evils.
This morning we texted a bit and he told me he wanted me and he hasn’t been able to have a release because of the friend staying at his place. He had been vague with the gender all week, but he said she this morning. So then this happened:
Me: Is she sleeping in your bed?
F: No. But what if she needs something and comes in? And my cock is in my hand?? That’s not good.
Me: I mean, that’s how most porns start. But you almost made that twitch of jealousy appear when I thought she was sleeping in your bed.
F: I mean we did sleep in the same bed in New Orleans…
Me: You are not supposed to try to make me jealous, but it’s working. I don’t like this feeling.
F: Oh. Sorry. If it makes you feel any better I passed out immediately haha
Me: Slightly. I know I played it cool the other night, but the truth is you can obviously sleep with whoever you want, but I don’t want to hear about it, it does make me jealous.
F: I’m not a random sleep around guy. I want the attention but can’t follow through with any act. And I apologize for being a dick and bringing it up the other night.
Me: It’s fine. I felt like I was fucked in the situation. My encouraging you to go after other women is not what you wanted to hear, but I felt like saying I was jealous was not nice either.
F: Moving on….
What the fuck? He left me scratching my head. Our arrangement is not supposed to be complicated at all. I don’t see him outside of my bedroom. I need him to get his shit together.
There’s a couple of other things of interest.
First is the Unicorn. He helped get the yard cleared after the storm. He offered to help after seeing my pictures on snapchat. It was really nice of him. Last night I sent him a text to see if he wanted to hangout because my roommate was out of town and I was going a little stir crazy. He came over and we talked for a good while. He confided in me that he’s been having severe anxiety and he doesn’t know how to handle it. I felt like I was able to offer him so helpful advice. We then watched a movie sitting somewhat close on the sofa, but being careful as to never actually touch. I don’t think we will ever hook up again, and I really don’t see him like I did before. I still value his friendship though, and it was nice to have him here.
Lastly, a guy messaged me on OkC at the beginning of the week. Let’s call him Coyote. Coyote seemed slightly odd, but could carry on a pleasant text conversation. He was decent looking. We exchanged messages on OkC and he gave me his phone number. We texted back and fourth through the week. On Thursday night, he asked if he could call me. I told him yes, but not at that moment because I was at H’s house. He fell asleep before I got home. On Friday, we texted a bit through the day, but not as much as usual. On Friday night, he again asked if he could call. He called and it was weird. He was either really drunk/and or really high and maybe mixed with some kind of nervousness. He was reminding me of Bryan. I was uncomfortable and we didn’t talk for long. At about 7:30 Saturday morning, he again asked if he could call. Who the hell wants to call that early. I thought I would give him the benefit of the doubt about the night before and let him call. The first 15 ish minutes were okay-ish, but then he seemed to get high again. It was very unpleasant. He mentioned either me going to his place or him coming to mine. It was kind of creepy. I finally made up the excuse that I was going to the gym, we hung up and I went back to sleep. I woke up about two hours later to three texts and four missed calls from him. One of them just said oops. So I responded “oops?” And he replied with oops let’s have sex oops. Nope. He continued to try to text me. I was mostly ignoring him. At one point he told me “Call me now”. No. I finally ignored him and got 😦 a couple of hours later. I was legitimately scared that he was some kind of creepy stalker type and that he may just show up at my house. That was part of the reason that I invited Unicorn to come over. Luckily he seems to have disappeared.
Hopefully this week is far less eventful, but it probably won’t be. My dad is coming to visit. I haven’t seen him in a year and a half and he hasn’t been in my house in two years. I’ve been stressed out in preparation for the visit. I need to lost 100 pounds, get married, and have some kids by Friday. No big deal.