It has been far too long between entries here.
After bouncing around a little, I was able to secure an apartment. This means that I am currently paying a mortgage and rent. It’s a decent place, but it’s difficult with two large dogs. They need a backyard. I’m ready to have my house back. The house is currently the shell of what it once was. There is a lot of red tape between insurance and the mortgage company, so I think this will be a long process.
Since I last wrote, another birthday has come and gone. I was able to have a nice, small celebration with friends. The Fish even came out with us. He’s been very present in my life. I’ve seen him at least once a week (but often more) since this started. I spent almost my entire birthday weekend at his apartment. For the most part, he seems okay with the increased time together.
It’s been nearly seven months since our first date. I’ve been reflecting on how much things have evolved during this time. It started with just sex, then some sleepovers, then maybe a drink and sex, the a drink and movie and sex. There are times now that I see him and we don’t even have sex. We watch football, youtube videos, old movies, and he taught me how to play chess.
I knew his birthday was sometime around my own, but he wouldn’t tell me when. Apparently his birthday causes some kind of existential crisis. I figured out that his birthday was yesterday with only a small amount of research. I brought him a bottle of scotch and a small chocolate cake. I couldn’t do a birthday card, because I didn’t want to send him running like a dog with its tail between its legs, so I stuck a post-it note on it instead that said, “Happy first day of hockey!”.
I’m still just playing this whole thing safe and waiting patiently. H said that if it were him, he wouldn’t let me go. I guess he doesn’t need to buy the cow when he’s getting the milk for free. I still just can’t let this go. I know he isn’t seeing anyone else, and neither am I. This is the longest I’ve stuck with any one person since Ron. This is the most patient I’ve ever been. I want this to work. I need this to work. H is waiting for the ugly fallout. I just don’t see it happening anytime soon. I really do love him, and I know he feels something for me.