All posts tagged PCOS

A completely honest dating profile

Published November 20, 2016 by daisiesloveandpeace

As the Fish‘s chapter comes to a close, I am trying to jump back into OkCupid.  I completely deleted all of my dating accounts a few months ago, so I am starting from scratch.  H asked me what I am looking for this time, sex or a relationship.  This is the first time I have honestly been able to say that I am only looking for a relationship.  My standard answer is normally something about I’m open to whatever happens.  I’m not open anymore.  I’m ready for something real.  I don’t want to waste my time with short flings.

I opened an OKC account, but I haven’t written anything yet.  I don’t think I’m in the right frame of mind.  If I wrote it right now, it would look something like this:

  • You must love dogs.  Especially large, slightly out of control dogs.  I’m not a dog trainer and sometimes my dogs have bad manners.
  • I recently lost most of my belongings in the flood.  I don’t feel like my life will ever be back in order.
  • You must be smarter than I am.  If you aren’t at least equally as smart, I will likely manipulate you until I get bored with you and move on.
  • I’m overweight despite all of my attempts to remedy it.  I’m fighting an uphill battle between my thyroid and PCOS.  Breaking my neck seemed to have an effect as well.
  • Speaking of PCOS, I have to shave my face everyday because I can grow just as much facial hair as you.  My hair on top of my head is falling out.  I have dark patches of skin.  There’s a fair chance I wont be able to reproduce, especially not without help.
  • Most of my closest friends are men.
  • I teach and I spend a lot of time at work or doing work from home.
  • I don’t have much of a social life, but I’m content with a low key lifestyle
  • I watch sports with friends, but I’m not as into it as others
  • I have a lot of anxiety.  You will not be allowed to drive me anywhere for at least the first six months.
  • I’m also a control freak
  • I don’t care much for movies, so I likely wont get any of your references.
  • I’m divorced and he took his own life shortly after the legal stuff was done.
  • I come from a unique, broken home.
  • I’ve probably slept with more men than you’ll be comfortable with.
  • I fall hard and quickly.  I’ll love you more than you ever knew you could be loved.  I’ll always be there to take care of you, knowing you better than you know yourself.



Comfort and Pain

Published January 11, 2015 by daisiesloveandpeace

This weekend has been quite an adventure.

During the day Friday, Unicorn and I made plans to build a fire in the fireplace Friday night, have some whiskey, and some dinner.  Before I left school, some of the other teachers asked me to go out with them that night. I told them that I had plans and they wanted to know if it was with “the boy”. I said yes.  They are trying to get me to put a title on our thing.  They keep telling me that what I am doing is a relationship and not friends.  Every time I talk about him, they call him my boyfriend.  While I absolutely love that idea, I am not wanting to force anything or change anything or scare him away by mentioned the word relationship or boyfriend.

So he came over and we ended up giving up on the fireplace idea.  We had lots of conversation, Big Bang Theory, chicken wings, and whiskey. It was quite amazing.  We eventually made it to the bedroom and we were both a little buzzed.  The foreplay lasted much longer than usual(and I have some bruises as a reminder).  The sex was amazing.  As it always is with him.  We fell asleep with me wrapped up in his arms.

I woke up the next morning and started to lightly caress him, stroking his chest down to his thighs and lightly brushing against his morning wood along the way.  I took it upon myself to give him some good morning kisses there.  I was also hungry to taste his cum because I hadn’t yet made him cum from oral and it was bothering me.  I was finally able to taste him and he tasted amazing. As expected.

I got up and made him coffee, brought it back to bed and laid with my head in his lap as he sat and had coffee.  The conversation continued to flow as it always does between us.  He told me it was time for him to get going as he had things to take care of, so we got dressed and said our goodbyes.

My best friend(Glen) had texted me during that time I was in bed with the Unicorn.  We made plans for lunch and hanging out that afternoon followed by some crawfish and beer(have I mentioned how much I love Louisiana?)

So Glen and I grabbed some lunch and headed over to the craft supply store to make some more wreaths.  That’s when it started.  A very sharp, stabbing pain in my lower left side.  I had woken up with some dull pressure in the area that morning, but this felt like death.  I almost through up with the sudden onset of the intense pain.  I was having a hard time walking around the store, but I pushed through it. At this point, Glen was a little concerned but we kept going.

We went back to my house and laid on the sofa and talked a while.  I gushed on and on about Unicorn.  I did take that time to think about how much sex is holding us together and wonder if it wasn’t for sex, would he still be around?  I noted that we didn’t sext or have phone sex. We text or call each other everyday, but it’s never sexual.  However, I also noted that we have had sex every single time we have seen each other.

It was time to head off for the crawfish and beer, but Glen noticed that I was having a hard time sitting up because every time I moved, the pain was excruciating.  He told me that we were going to the ER and not to dinner.  I hate going to the doctor. I was not happy and I was nervous, but I was in such extreme pain that I even let him drive. I was texting Unicorn at the time and letting him know what was going on.  He asked me to keep him updated and told me that no matter how late it got, if I needed anything to let him know.

We spend a few hours in the ER for them to take a urine sample and say they didn’t see anything and they didn’t want to do a CT and expose me to unnecessary radiation.  They sent me home with pain killers.  At this point, we are figuring it’s either a kidney stone or a cyst on my ovary burst.  I’ve never had either.  I came home, took the pain killer and passed out.

I woke up this morning, still in pain. I called my stepmom and cried because I am in pain and I don’t know why.  This is one of the rare times that I wish my family lived closer than they do.

I took the other medicine they gave me(non-narcotic) thinking it would dull the pain enough that I could get work done, but not knock me out either.  Boy was I wrong. I couldn’t walk straight. I almost busted my ass just walking to the door to let the dogs out.  I gave up on being productive and retreated to my bed.  I texted Unicorn and let him know what was going on.  He called me and told me that he was on his way back from town and wanted to know if he should bring me lunch.  I accepted the offer and told him just to let himself in when he got here.

He came over with lunch and sat with me and ate.  He then got up, cleaned up after us and took out the over flowing trash.  He laid down in bed with me, holding me, caressing me.  I was nuzzled in his chest and I mumbled “This is exactly what I needed.”  He responded with, “I know, you needed some love.” Yes I did.  He laid with me for a bit longer and I was near snoring. He got up and set up my room so that I could work from bed when I was ready.  Then he leaned over, kissed my forehead, then cheeks, and a quick peck on the lips and told me to call if I needed anything else.

I think I fell in love.


Published January 3, 2015 by daisiesloveandpeace

There aren’t many things I avoid talking about.  Today, I am going to address the one thing I consistently avoid.  My weight.

I’ve always struggled with being bigger than my peers.  I thinned out just a little my last two years of high school because I was very active in a very competitive marching band.  I was teased all of my life about it.  My parents tried to limit my food intake and make me exercise. I hated them for that and it made me have a strong hate for exercise as well.  Not once did they ever think that something might be wrong with me.  It was just shame and guilt.

I started college and moved away. I gained the freshman 15(more like 20).  Every time I would go home, I would get more shame and guilt.  I was a little uncomfortable with my body, but I still thought I was beautiful.  I couldn’t be bothered to measure my worth in pounds.  And I was curvy. That’s my body type no matter how big or small I am.

Mid-way through my second semester, I was in a terrible car accident and broke my neck.  That severely limited my mobility for a while.  I put on a few more pounds.

Shortly after that, I took my health into my own hands.  I finally saw a doctor that was smart enough to know something was wrong.  I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism and PCOS.  I had displayed the classic symptoms of both for a very long time, and no one ever caught it.  That made me feel a little better as now I knew it wasn’t just me.

Around that time was when I started dating Ron.  I put on 115 pounds between the time we started dating and when we divorced. 115. A whole person.  It was largely due to emotional eating. Ron never gave me the affection I wanted and deserved.  I ate every time he brushed my hand away, every time he turned down sex, every time I caught him, chatting up other women.

To add insult to injury, he would often bring up my weight. He would tell me how pretty I used to be.  He would tell me he would be happier if I would lose some weight.  The funny thing is that he was overweight himself.

As of this morning, I have lost 20 of that 115.  It is not easy, but I am so ready to have my body back.  I don’t like being in the BBW groups on fetlife. I want to list myself as curvy and that be honest. I want to not worry if my photos are misleading.  I want to look every bit as sexy as I feel.  I have big goals because I need to lose more than just that 115.  I have 155 pounds ish more to lose before I am where I want to be.

I finally feel like I have people in my life who are supportive. They motivate me instead of making me feel ashamed.  They help me focus on where I am going and not where I have been.

Day 1- List 20 random facts about yourself

Published June 14, 2014 by daisiesloveandpeace
  1. I have two dogs who are both female pit mixes
  2. I have broken my neck and I have the titanium plates, screws, and vertebrae to prove it
  3. I am the oldest of four
  4. My favorite color used to be blue but now it’s purple
  5. I’ve never smoked anything in my life
  6. I have an obsession with Disney Princesses
  7. I have a degree in math
  8. I’ve never left the country
  9. I played the bass clarinet in high school marching band
  10. My first concert was the Backstreet Boys in 2000
  11. The last concert I went to was the Backstreet Boys in 2013
  12. My husband I and split 1 day short of our two year wedding anniversary
  13. I’ve had two surgeries on my spine
  14. I have PCOS
  15. I am submissive through and through
  16. My guilty pleasure is Grey’s Anatomy
  17. I prefer fruity candy to chocolate candy
  18. I’ve been to 20 states
  19. My favorite book is “The Art of Racing in the Rain”
  20. I am an INFJ