The weather here is finally starting to get ever so slightly cooler. This time of year always seems to make you want to be paired off. I think it’s some combination of the cooler weather and the holidays. The need to be in a loving, committed relationship has been strong over the last week. I’ve been feeling pretty under the weather and overwhelmed between work and hopefully finally starting the rebuilding process on my house.
I’ve been needy. Very needy. And I don’t feel like my needs are being met.
The Fish has been flip flopping as much as ever. He goes from being very caring, and attentive to absent and cold hearted.
Both the Beast and Sam have been very active through snapchat. They make me feel wanted in ways The Fish has fallen short on lately.
I’m ready to have someone to come home to, someone to take care of, and someone to take care of me. I’m ready to start a family.
I was supposed to see The Fish last night but I was feeling too under the weather to travel to him and he refused to travel to me. It hurt. A lot.
Today, I downloaded bumble again. I swiped left 10 times and thought that none of these guys would live up to The Fish, then deleted my account and the app.
We’ve been so stagnant and I’ve been accepting of it and patient, but I’m starting to feel restless. It’s been eight months. I want to know how this story ends. But I still hope that it never does.
So, the whole D thing has been on my mind. It’s been the first time since the split that I’ve let myself get so emotionally attached to someone. I’ve been trying to find a distraction. I cut out most of my previous FWBs. And Aiden seems to have disappeared. And maybe it’s time to start a new list. So I re-installed Tinder and back the the drawing board with OkCupid. I am in no state to date anyone right now, but I need sex.
I actually talked to Sam last night for a little while. I said something about making a road trip out to see him before I have to report back to work next Thursday. He told me I would never make it to work because if I made it out there, he is going to keep my tied down as his slave. Mmmm. Yes, please?
I got two bites on Tinder, but I don’t know how interested I am. One is a guy and one is a girl. The conversation with her is slow going and a little boring. The conversation with him started with sex. Which is what I expect. It’s Tinder. I’m just so picky. And it’s not even a looks thing. Even if I am just hooking up with someone, they need to be able to stimulate my mind before they can stimulate anything else. Survival of the fittest, I suppose.
D has not disappeared. I wish he would. Or I wish he would do something that I could strongly dislike him over, but it doesn’t look like that will happen.
I also talked to my lawyer on Monday. The official divorce finalization day should be September 5. It’s a Friday. I kind of plan on being intoxicated that whole weekend. Maybe a giant orgy is in store? I don’t know.
Truth be told, it really is time for me to buckle down and get ready for school. I finally get to get into my new classroom tomorrow. I’ve been so excited about it and now I am starting to get nervous. D was going to help me get moved in, but now it looks like it will be just me. Maybe that’s for the best.
Happy hump day, everyone! Hopefully someone is getting humped!
Sam was one of the first people that messaged me on OKcupid. I still had no idea how the hell to work the damn site. I didn’t save his messages and I don’t remember a whole lot, but I know that all of his initial messages were just full of flattery. At this point, my number one qualification was that the person have a degree. Sam met that requirement. He was 23, gainfully employed, and kind of cute. His profile was full of quotes from Beauty and the Beast.
He asked me if I wanted to meet up and somehow we decided on watching a horror movie and cuddling at my house. This was in the beginning, before I really figured out that a first meeting at my house wasn’t the safest idea.
We went into this with clear intentions. Meet up and if we like each other/feel comfortable have sex. If not, no big deal. If we like the sex then maybe it could turn into a recurring thing.
So Sam shows up at my house and the first thing he says to me is that my pictures do me no justice. So I pour us each a glass of white wine and we sit on the sofa and try to decide on a movie. I know we had previously discussed a horror movie but for some reason I decide to subject him to one of my favorite movies, “13 Going on 30.” We didn’t make it five minutes before we were making out and things were getting heated, so I asked him if he would like to see the rest of the house.